When it Sets, the Sun is Outlandishly Red
by aki.ari
Summary: You can lose so much waiting to find the right words, when even the most insufficient expression will suffice. Kuroken


_**When it Sets, the Sun is Outlandishly Red**_

Footfalls on concrete and whispers of cloth. Someone was behind him, approaching swiftly without a word – not calling his name, not asking him to wait - almost certainly a someone belonging to a head of eternally unkempt black hair. Even so Kenma did not slow his stride, nor did he look up from the screen of his PSP. It wasn't uncommon for Kenma to retain an air of indifference even when in Kuroo's presence, but this… this was different.

"I know what you're doing Kenma, and it's not going to work with me."

"What exactly am I doing Kuroo?"

Though eyes still glued to the screen, Kenma could find no focus upon the tiny cg hunter he was bidding to run towards some manner of monster he'd not yet encountered. Distracted. Kuroo's voice was normally a comfort to the ombre haired male, but now that low register set him on edge.

Kuroo's eyes narrowed, the small signs of discomfort not lost on him. Lips turned down and jaw tight with uncertainty he rounded in front of Kenma, stopping his advance.

"Look at me."

"I'm busy Kuroo, not now."

Again, those tell-tale signs Kuroo had come to recognize over the years. The slight shrugging of his shoulders as though Kenma were trying to retreat into himself, the downcast eyes that flitted with uncertainty, the tight pull of his lips as he fought to keep from overtly pouting in displeasure, and the barest twitch of brows likewise straining not to furrow.

"Make time."

The two words were all that was offered before Kuroo ducked in catching Kenma off balance and hefting him up over his shoulders. Golden eyes widened, voice emitting a wordless stuttering yelp of surprise as Kenma found himself staring down at the grey paved road just outside Nekoma High's front gates, the red plastic of his PSP straining slightly in his frantic grasp.

"K-kuroo! Put me down!"

"Nope~" Kuroo grinned as he adjusted his hold, left arm snaking behind Kenma's knees and right steadying on his arm.

"I'm not kidding Kuroo! Hurry up and-" Kenma craned his head awkwardly, full intent on glaring his irritation at his long-time friend, voice dying in his throat at the utterly mirthful expression adorning Kuroo's face.

"Hurry up and what now?" Kuroo asked cheekily meeting Kenma's gaze.

It was those expressions that stopped him dead in his tracks. Kenma didn't see much of it nowadays but, when they'd been younger, it had been that pure cheerfulness that had won him over. Kuroo rarely showed such genuine happiness though he was almost always smiling, so when he did Kenma could do nothing but stare – refreshing the memory of how it looked to hold onto until the next time Kuroo saw fit to grace him with it.

"Put me down," Kenma huffed though all fight had drained out of him the instant their eyes had met.

"No."

Then it was gone. As quickly and startlingly as it had crested on his features, that smile warped into something hard, unamused and riddled with doubt.

"Kuroo?" Kenma's lips drew down as he noted the barely perceptible tensing of Kuroo's jaw and narrowing of his eyes – not cruel, though that carefully schooled smile adorning his features had that easy arrogance to it – the default smile, meant to mask the cautious uncertainty his eyes belied.

"You've been ignoring me all day. You know that?"

"I haven't been ig-"

"Don't lie to me Kenma." Kuroo's voice was taught with a fragile calm. "I may not be quite as perceptive as you, but I can tell when you're lying. You weren't in your classroom when I came by to meet you for lunch, you didn't set for me once today at practice, you didn't even wait for me to finish talking with coach before heading out to the clubroom. If I hadn't caught up, you were going to walk home alone just now weren't you?"

Kenma was silent. The real matter at hand was one he didn't want to breech so anything he could say would sound like lies – meandering excuses – and it was clear that Kuroo was not in the mood for avoidance games. He wasn't one to make a scene, in fact Kuroo was one of the most patient people he knew. No matter the calm he wore on his sleeve, however, beneath – closer to the heart – was always roiling.

"What? You thought I wouldn't notice? Come on Kenma, don't insult me. We've been going to school together since we were kids, the only time you ever try to leave without me is when you're mad about something."

"Put me down Kuroo."

"No, this is just fine isn't it? I mean I have to do something like this to have a real conversation with you."

"That's not fair," Kenma huffed, squirming indignantly. It's not that he was against talking seriously with Kuroo, their conversations were often very illuminating for him. But this was a subject he wasn't ready to discuss – not for lack of trying – he'd given it ample thought, stayed awake staring at the glowing screen of his paused game trying to find the words. But he couldn't find them, and he wasn't yet prepared to face Kuroo's unravelling composure, especially not in plain sight of any curious bystanders.

"Is it the college thing?"

Slow. Tentative. The question was searching, but Kenma missed it in his frustration.

"I don't care where you go to school Kuroo, if you want to leave Tokyo then go, if you want to leave Japan then just go. It has nothing to do with me."

"There are some really good sports training and rehabilitation facilities in Germany and America that-"

Kuroo continued, no break to his voice, no change in his expression, nothing to show he'd heard Kenma save for the tightening of his grip and the tensing of his shoulders.

"I said I don't care Kuroo, if that's what you want to do then do it. I just want you to put me down."

Kenma knew those words had been a mistake the moment they passed his lips. All the tension filtered out of Kuroo like sand in a sieve – no longer anticipation but a heavy resignation.

"You don't care…?"

Kenma stiffened at the dejected tone as he was carefully lowered to the ground.

"I has nothing to do with you…?"

"Kuroo, I didn't mean-"

All manner of protest stopped before it could be uttered.

"That's what this is then? You're distancing yourself because you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore?" Kuroo asked, hand reached out as if to caress yet frozen a hairsbreadth away.

Kenma waited with baited breath, the teasing warmth of impending contact very much welcomed right now. But he stopped. Pulled back. Pulled away. All traces of warmth retreating with him. More frustration. Near tears.

"Don't put words in my mouth! I didn't mean it like that and you know it!"

Kenma couldn't recall the last time he'd been so frantic to clear up a misunderstanding before. Mouth dry, heart thundering in increased desperation. Fear.

"Do I?" Kuroo exhaled heavily. "Just how am I supposed to take it Kenma? We've been together for half a year and nothing has changed. You said you wanted to be with me too… But you complain when I touch you, and you brush me off when I invite you out. I'm graduating in a few months and when I tell you I'm thinking about international programs you start ignoring me altogether."

"Well what do you want me to do? It's your decision to make."

A smile. Small. Tense. Tired.

"Sometimes I wonder why you ever agreed to go out with me… I'm trying Kenma. Really trying, because god knows I love you and I'd wait forever for you to be ready if you so much as uttered the desire to wait. But do you even like me?"

Kenma's cheeks flushed, the sounds of some straggling students only now leaving for the day catching his attention. "Can we not have this conversation here?"

"Where do you want to have it? Does it make a difference? You don't look like you want to have this conversation at all."

"I don't!"

Kuroo's eyes widened at the harshly whispered concession before his lips quirked up further – a truly wretched smile. "So that's it then?"

Kenma's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, then regret at the near palpable hurt in Kuroo's eyes.

"What? Wai- No, that's-"

"It doesn't concern you. You don't care. If you just ignore me then it'll be like nothing ever happened, isn't that what you've been thinking? If that's the case I'm sorry. I've always liked you Kenma, since we were kids all I could see was you. You're a sight for sore eyes after a long day. Yours is the voice I rush out of the house in the morning to hear. And to be honest as far as those programs go, all I really wanted out of that was for you to tell me not to go. Hell, even if you had looked mildly perturbed by the idea I would have been satisfied. You must think me a complete fool for being so underhanded about it. But you have to understand Kenma… When it comes to you I can be stupidly desperate too."

Kenma willed himself to speak, to say anything, but it was as though his throat had constricted. But that's how it always is isn't it? Words always desert you when you need them most.

"I love you Kenma," Kuroo said again, voice even and controlled. "So I'm sorry I've troubled you. I'm sorry that I've caused that distressed expression to mar that pretty face of yours. I'm a real idiot for inconveniencing my most important person aren't I. Forgive me?"

Game console slipping forgotten from trembling fingers, Kenma launched himself at Kuroo uncaring to their current venue. Surprise streaked though yellow-ocher irises as Kuroo was knocked off balance, tumbling to the ground with Kenma atop him. Still no words. Only feverish kisses and plaintive whimpers under a sun-washed sky of vermillion bellied clouds. But it was enough. It was more than enough.

 _End_

* * *

A/N: Ah well I don't really know what to say about this except I was looking at a lovely kuroken commission I had done by kkumri on tumblr (amazing artist by the way you should definitely check her out) a little while ago and started a fluff drabble that ended up saturated with angst ^^;

As always thanks for reading, all comments are very much welcomed and appreciated :)


End file.
